It took me back as a nurse, and someone with my abilities with the deceased to read a story I would like to share. It was about a person today, I'll give this person a pseudo name, Frank, who volunteered at a nursing home to work with the sick and dying with the intent to feel more enlightened. He said that all he felt was drained and he concluded that he would stay away from this population from now on and try to stay with people with high energy. Well, I couldn't believe what I heard, not that I couldn't understand that being around dying people could not be draining, especially when their is much sadness, but what struck me was the attitude of thinking one could just avoid being around the dying process. I feel that is why it is so traumatic when it does happen to someone in our lives. We are not a culture that is comfortable with talking about dying, death or even grieving for that matter. In this Western Society, so many of us treat death with such taboo, that it almost seems an unnatural process for adults, teens and children to talk about. When my husband died many years ago, I joined a widows group, I could not believe the critiquing process that took place. Everything from a widow's clothes, to how long one should mourn was up for discussion. Experts, seem to evolve within the group. The women who had been widowed longer,who there by "knew" more would say what was appropriate or not. I quite new to the group at the time remained quiet, but ever so observant. These were my conclusions: in all my observations from the patients, clients, and the widows groups of transitioning through grief I felt the ones that just allowed it to happen naturally did the best. What I mean by that is the ones that spoke about dying like it was just as natural as the process as living, with the expectation of death just like going back home seem to handle it better. The people I spoke to about grieving who didn't place "rules" on how long one should grieve, and were just allowed to do their own thing, were able to move on. I found it odd, some of the ones with all the "rules" were the ones who got "stuck" and had problems moving on. Nothing can replace that physical loss, and it should be honored by mourning it, in your way, so long as you acknowledge it. The deceased wants you to remember them, and as you go through your grieving , It is my belief that one day your sadness will shift to healing with the memory of their love always with you.
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January 2017
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